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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26287672">Limbo</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantradish/pseuds/radiantradish'>radiantradish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, For the most part, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Graduation, some language, summer time pining, that weird space between being a kid and being an adult when you have to start making choices</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:41:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,231</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26287672</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiantradish/pseuds/radiantradish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Asahi’s design internship in Tokyo was starting right away but there was no need for Suga to move immediately. Maybe Suga’s mom wasn’t ready for her baby bird to leave the nest, but also maybe the baby bird wasn’t ready either. </p><p>Anyway it didn’t matter, Asahi was gone and Suga had two months to get his shit together, help start his mom’s garden, and also, Daichi.</p><p>Also Daichi.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>90</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Think you’ve got enough stuff?” Sugawara asked wedging the final box into the back of Asahi’s mom’s van. Asahi was retying his hair up from where it had escaped his hair tie, first looking embarrassed and then indignant.</p><p>“I’m <em>moving</em> Suga, I need to have things to live.”</p><p>“But do you really need things to live?” Suga quipped back wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and fixing a grin on Asahi.</p><p>“You’re sure you don’t want to come up with us?” His mom was driving with him up to Tokyo today to get all moved into his tiny apartment. Suga would complete that picture. It had made some sort of panicked end of high school sense to move in together. Asahi’s internship with the design firm was in the same part of town as Suga’s university. “<em>Better than a random stranger.” Asahi had said and Suga had scowled back. “I thought we were friends, Asahi!”</em></p><p>“Do you really think you have room for all the things I need to live?” Suga asked back and Asahi grinned dopily back.</p><p>“I suppose not. We could make room though,” he said.</p><p>“No, it’s fine,” Suga brushed him off, “I’ve got stuff to do around here first,” he said the thought warming his face a little bit. Asahi gave him a look.</p><p>“Daichi stuff.”</p><p>“Not Daichi stuff,” Suga was quick to counter even if it was an outright lie, “Mom stuff. You know how she is, not ready to let her baby bird leave the nest yet. I’ll be up in two months. Give you some time to <em>adjust,</em>” Suga said remorseless in changing the subject. Asahi winced. “You’ll be fine by yourself, I believe in you Asahi. Pretend you’re the ace for a minute and seize your new life.”</p><p>“Suga,” Asahi complained his embarrassment increasing with the size of Suga’s smile. Suga patted him on the shoulder.</p><p>“It’ll be okay.”</p><p>“I wish you were coming with me.”</p><p>“I am. Eventually,” Suga assured him turning back to the van and closing the back doors. Asahi’s mom appeared on cue swinging her purse over her shoulder and beaming at Suga and Asahi.</p><p>“Got everything?”</p><p>“Yes ma’am,” Suga responded saluting her.</p><p>“Asahi, ready to go?” she asked.</p><p>“I guess,” Asahi answered. “Suga…”</p><p>“Go get ‘em, Ace,” Suga said slapping him on the shoulder one more time.</p><p>It wasn’t until the van had pulled out of the Azumanes’ driveway before Suga felt his smile slip, and the deep dread settle over him again.</p><p>Walking home he could only think how Asahi was gone, and that was the first step to him also being gone, to high school being behind them, the rest of their lives ahead. Which was at some level exciting but also terrifying. He thought again of the things his mother had told him about nursing school and wondered why he’d ever in his right mind thought, you know what, medicine would be cool. It’d be great to be a doctor. And if contemplating what was ahead wasn’t frightening enough, he could always consider what he was leaving behind.</p><p>There’d never been the assumption they would all stick together, all stay or all go, but still when Daichi had said he wasn’t going to Tokyo, Suga’s stomach had dropped.</p><p>“No point,” Daichi had said, “I’ll always be a country boy, that’s just the way that it is. No need to pretend to be slick like Kuroo or a hotshot like Bokuto.”</p><p>“You’ve never wondered what it’d be like?”</p><p>“I’ve been to Tokyo, Suga. I’d rather stay here.”</p><p>Suga shook his head, nope, better to worry about the future than think about what he was leaving behind. Maybe he should’ve gotten his shit together and gone with Asahi today. He’d meant to. He’d made a packing list. He’d gotten boxes to pack but when he sat down to it, he just couldn’t. Then his mom had told him there wasn’t any rush and that she needed help with her garden and why not just take it easy before school started up in the fall. Asahi’s internship was starting right away but there was no need for Suga to move immediately. Maybe Suga’s mom wasn’t ready for her baby bird to leave the nest, but also, maybe, the baby bird wasn’t ready either.</p><p>Anyway it didn’t matter, Asahi was gone and Suga had two months to get his shit together, help start his mom’s garden, and also, Daichi.</p><p> </p><p>Also Daichi.</p><p>He was out of town with his family for the rest of the week and as soon as Asahi was gone Suga didn’t know what to do with himself. His mom was at work, she’d staked out where the garden would go and so Suga set to turning the soil, until the middle of the day heat ended him up on the porch thinking about how hot it’d been in Tokyo for the training camp they’d done last summer. He wiped the sweat from his forehead. Wondering if practice was going on right now, his hands itching for the ball, for the sound of shoes on the court, setting the ball, the perfect moment the spiker slammed it down. Nice kill. He stopped himself half way to the gym because it would be awkward, there’d be new first years and Ennoshita would give him the face that saw through whatever excuse he’d made why he should be there.</p><p>
  <strong>To Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Asahi is gone. Whyd u have to leave me here all alone :’(</p><p>The reply was too fast for someone supposedly having a good time with their elementary school aged siblings and doting parents.</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>I thought u were going with Asahi?</p><p>
  <strong>To Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>I was and then I didnt</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Haha now u kno how I feel</p><p>
  <strong>To Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Ur so mean captain</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Be home in 3 days</p><p> </p><p>Three long days where Suga started packing, sticking things at random into the boxes he’d assembled, only later to open the boxes and drag things back out that he still needed. He started summer reading for one of his classes, falling asleep nearly immediately lying on the floor in front of the fan, the long afternoon sunlight cutting blocks across the floor.</p><p>
  <strong>From Tanaka:</strong>
</p><p>U busy? Could use extra setter. Kageyama scared first year, need help</p><p>Drowsy from his nap Suga contemplated this development smiling to himself. Daichi would tell him lay off but he was itching to get out of the house and if it meant he got to play volleyball there wasn’t really any way he could say no to that.</p><p>“Thank god, Suga-san” Tanaka met Suga at the gym door looking harried. Suga had expected it to feel like coming home, but the collection of boys in the gym was unsettling. With their last season and nationals had come a large group of first years all wide eyed. They’d had a decent showing at Inter-High, but that was with the team focusing on second and third years. Ennoshita was directing them now, less vocal than Daichi but with a presence. Everything felt wrong and Suga fought the urge to flee. The first year in question was hanging behind Tanaka now, mousy brown hair, freckles, knobby knees.</p><p>“You’re number 2!” he squeaked. “You scored that spike against Shiratorizawa when the libero set.” Suga flushed. “That was so cool!”</p><p>“Aoki here needs some pointers,” Tanaka said flustered again. “Ennoshita said I shouldn’t bother you, but Kageyama is no help. He and Hinata speak the same language but he’s not great at helping besides telling someone they suck.”</p><p>“I suck a lot,” Aoki filled in.</p><p>“He was always telling Hinata he sucked too, it’s not the end of the world,” Suga assured the kid. His eyes brightened.</p><p>Aoki wasn’t bad necessarily, but Suga helped him with form, after a bit another first year appeared to join in the informal demo and then Nishinoya who was struggling with some of the tosses he’d been doing. It was easy to get lost in the team again.</p><p>“Sorry, Tanaka asked me to come,” Suga explained to Ennoshita later. Ennoshita shrugged.</p><p>“I just figured you’d be busy with university stuff already, it’s not like I didn’t want you to come.”</p><p>“I get it, its fine,” Suga tried to hide the grimace, the creeping hand of university on his shoulder again.</p><p> </p><p>Suga did a sweep of Shimada Mart before he found Daichi, kneeling in the soup aisle stocking the shelf. He was wearing a black apron, his hair looking uncharacteristically shaggy. Suga’s heart did a little backflip which was new but he hadn’t seen Daichi in almost a month. His family had taken a trip to visit his grandparents up north. Before Suga could even think of something smart to say Daichi had turned to him with the sixth sense of a retail worker.</p><p>“Can I help you find something--- oh! Suga!”</p><p>“Yeah, sir, I’d like to speak to your manager.”</p><p>“Ha, ha, funny,” Daichi deadpanned grinning at him.</p><p>“How was Iwate?”</p><p>“Same as always. Grandma sent some of those cookies you like, if you want some.”</p><p>“Just for me?”</p><p>“Yep, met you once and now all she wants to know is how Suga-chan is doing every time I see her.”</p><p>Suga giggled, face heating up.</p><p>“I’ll bring them over to your house after work. And uh, Suga, I wanted to talk to you about something.”</p><p>“Ennoshita has it under control Daichi, no need to worry.”</p><p>“Not that,” Daichi laughed.</p><p>“I was actually up there a couple of days ago, it was weird. Also being a third year has gone to Tanaka’s head, he’s drunk on power…”</p><p>“Sawamura, Sugawara!” a voice interrupted them and they turned to see Michimiya from school coming to join them. She was carrying a bento, her eyes pinned on Daichi. Suga felt the creeping fear again, like he had before the prefecture finals, that he couldn’t hang on to Daichi. Not with the smile that was lighting up his face now, focus shifting.</p><p>“I’ve gotta go help my mom. Uh with something,” Suga fumbled for words, “See ya later Daichi. Michimiya,” Suga said turning to flee.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Weve got a problem</p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Like a big problem</p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>I am so fucked</p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>R u alive? Why r u ignoring me?</p><p>Suga lay back on his bed with a groan and pressed his hands to his face. He’d somehow managed to forget about Michimiya and her meddling. And maybe on a good day he could encourage it, he could say that if she was the one that Daichi liked and the one who made him happy then he could bow out and step aside with grace. Today wasn’t one of those days and he just <em>knew</em> that bento was lunch she’d made for him. And how long had that been going on? Was it already something established? Were they dating and Daichi hadn’t told him?? Daichi told him everything right? They were best friends, right?</p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Asahi im dying</p><p>There was still no answer and that worried Suga just a little bit. Asahi was a big boy he could take care of himself but at the same time, Tokyo was a big place and Asahi was just a country boy and god, so was Suga, what help would he be if Asahi was actually in some sort of trouble??</p><p>“Koushi, I’m home!” his mother’s voice lurched him up in bed. Was it that late already? He’d meant to at least have started dinner. And he’d stared at the garden plot for a whole hour and hadn’t done anything. And didn’t Daichi say he’d come over after work? How late was he working? Suga trudged down the stairs feeling tired and tired and tired. His mom was in the kitchen looking through the cupboards. She pulled out a couple of things and Suga could already tell this was going to be a hodgepodge meal of whatever she found lying around.</p><p>“Mom, I can do it,” he offered, and she jumped spinning around on him. Her ash blonde hair was a short pixie cut that he was still getting used to, for the longest time she’d worn it in a long braid down her back.</p><p>“Koushi, you shouldn’t scare me like that,” she scolded him with a smile.  “I didn’t even know you were home. Were you taking a nap? I see you didn’t start on the garden?”</p><p>“Maybe tomorrow,” he assured her pulling out the rice cooker and assembling a more cohesive set of ingredients on the counter. His mom leaned against the counter watching him, he could feel her eyes boring a hole into his back. He braced for whatever she was about to say.</p><p>“Something up, Kou-chan? You’re quiet,” she asked. He flinched, turning to give her a weak smile.</p><p>“Nothing’s up, it’s just so hot out you know? Makes it easy to just let the whole day slip by.”</p><p>“True, true,” she agreed nodding. “Wishing you’d gone with Azumane-kun to Tokyo already?”</p><p>“Maybe a little bit,” he admitted.</p><p>“It is pretty boring around here, with just me,” she said eyes twinkling. Suga smiled a little wider. “What about Sawamura-kun? Didn’t you say he’s staying in Miyagi for school? Go bother him.”</p><p>“He’s got a job,” Suga said, <em>and probably a girlfriend</em>, turning his back to his mom, hoping to hide the heat on his face.</p><p>“That’s smart, Kou-chan, maybe you could get a job,” she said with a yawn.</p><p>“Maybe,” Suga agreed turning on the stove.</p><p>“Don’t sound too excited,” she told him, “I’m going to go get out of these work clothes.” And then she was gone and he let out the breath he’d been holding. No scolding about the garden, no pushing about packing. He pulled out his phone but Asahi still hadn’t responded.</p><p> </p><p>Suga was cleaning up the kitchen when there was knocking on the door.</p><p>“Koushi, Sawamura-kun is here!” his mom called. Suga ducked his head out of the kitchen to see Daichi in the genkan, kicking off his shoes, holding a box.</p><p>“You didn’t.”</p><p>“I told you I would,” Daichi said giving him a funny smile offering him the cookies. Suga accepted them popping the lid off and offering the box to his mom who was still hanging around.</p><p>“I didn’t know you were a baker, Sawamura-kun,” she said to Daichi who scratched the back of his head bashfully.</p><p>“They’re from my grandma,” Daichi explained.</p><p>“They’re so good,” Suga sighed taking a bite of one, offering Daichi the box. Daichi waved him off.</p><p>“I don’t need anymore. The box was less empty this morning.”</p><p>Suga laughed at him.</p><p>“Koushi, show him where the garden is going to go.”</p><p>“This is why I stayed,” Suga explained from the back step. His mom had marked out the borders of where she wanted the garden to go. “Mom wants to grow more of her own food. So this whole section I’m going to plant cucumbers and squash, and then beans over there. Maybe a watermelon over there and then strawberries along this side. She’s going to start making strawberry jam again, just wait.” Daichi smiled</p><p>“And she couldn’t do it on her own?”</p><p>“Well I offered to help,” Suga said shrugging it off. “I was going to go with Asahi, you know? But then I don’t know, I just didn’t. Mom could still use my help and classes don’t start for another two months, so what’s the rush?” He ran his hand through his hair. There was the other reason too. “And Daichi, I…” he started, since they were already here, they’d sat down on the back step, knees almost touching. The cicadas droning on the in the trees overhead. Daichi turned to look at Suga when he didn’t finish his sentence.</p><p>“What is it, Suga?”</p><p>The light was just right and a breeze ruffled Daichi’s hair and Suga had to restrain himself from trying to touch it, it was really getting long, shaggy almost.</p><p>“Daichi your hair is so long.”</p><p>“It’s not that long,” Daichi said with a laugh running his hand through it.</p><p>“My mom’s got scissors, I bet she’d trim it.”</p><p>“Its fine, I don’t mind it. Do you mind it?” Daichi asked.</p><p>“No it’s alright, I kinda like it,” Suga said and then wanted to eat his words, “I mean it does look like a dad who’s letting himself go, but some people are into that I guess.” Daichi elbowed him.</p><p>“Some people, like you?”</p><p>“I didn’t say I was into it,” Suga argued, heart kicking harder, Daichi was laughing at him.</p><p>“Come on you know you want to touch it,” he said leaning his head toward Suga. Suga reached out and viciously rubbed his hands through Daichi’s hair, cackling. Daichi shoved him off. Suga leaned back on his hands, the sky starting to turn orangey pinks as the sun went down. Suga remembered something Daichi had said that afternoon at the store.</p><p>“You said you wanted to talk to me about something?” he finally prompted. Daichi shot him a startled glance.</p><p>“Oh, that’s right,” he mumbled smoothing his hair and wincing, “Do you think Ennoshita is really doing alright?”</p><p>“Daichi! You can’t still be worrying about that! What happened to post Inter High when you were like let’s just retire now and let the kids have the club? Just let it go already.”</p><p>“Can you let it go?”</p><p>“Sure, I can let it go.”</p><p>“Is that why you were over there the other day. Nishinoya said you were giving pointers on setting technique even though Kageyama was there,” Daichi teased.</p><p>“Hey, I was asked to help, I didn’t go there just for fun. And you know how Kageyama gets.”</p><p>Daichi shrugged still grinning. Suga pushed him.</p><p>“Quit smiling like that. You’re just jealous they don’t want you to help out.”</p><p> </p><p>By the time the day of the midsummer festival arrived, Suga had tilled the whole patch and finally seeded it. At first there hadn’t been much to show for his hard work beside tiny peeps of green poking their heads out of the soil but in two weeks there were leaves, waving tendrils, a chorus of chaos in the previously orderly patch. But alongside the plants were weeds, Suga had watched them in dismay, and kept putting off the job of pulling them out, instead opting for staring listlessly at his summer reading, and the empty boxes in his room taunting him. And then he would be outside, tracing the route to school, walking by Asahi’s house, catching glimpses of his big dog in the window waiting for him to come back. Once he’d seen Asahi’s mom who had waved to him from across the way and he’d feigned having somewhere to be to avoid the conversation she certainly wanted to have with him about the ever present ‘<em>when?’</em>.  Then he’d end up at Shimada Mart to bother Daichi who always looked up with half a grin like he was expecting him. Suga could almost kid himself a minute that things were as they’d always been, that he was as settled as those growing plants in his garden.</p><p>The day of the festival Daichi had the day off and had come over in the afternoon for a late lunch.</p><p>“It’s looking good,” he said about the garden, surveying it from the back window. “It’s like a jungle.”</p><p>“It’s sixty percent weeds,” Suga admitted running water over their dirty dishes in the sink.</p><p>“Need some help pulling them?”</p><p>“You sure you want to brave the jungle?”</p><p>“Why not? I’ve got nothing better to do, let me help you,” Daichi said with a grin that gave Suga butterflies. Suga didn’t want to admit that pulling the weeds was the first step to being done with home but he agreed to Daichi’s offer, and they ventured out into the patch. There wasn’t much shade and within minutes the two of them were sweating.</p><p>“I regret offering.”</p><p>“I tried to warn you,” Suga said with a set of garden shears clipping back the more rambunctious bits. Daichi wiped his forehead.</p><p>“You didn’t try hard enough.”</p><p>“Say that again? Come a little bit closer,” Suga said waving him over with a wicked smile. Daichi eyed the gardening shears in Suga’s hand and shook his head.</p><p>“Not when you’re looking at me like that I won’t,”</p><p>“Come on, just a little trim.”</p><p>“I thought you said you like it longer?”</p><p>“I did but now I want old Daichi back.”</p><p>“He’s gone you’re stuck with new me.”</p><p>“No fun.”</p><p>Daichi laughed at him.</p><p>Later Daichi sat back wiping the dirt off his hands onto his knees and surveying their work.</p><p>“Fuck it’s hot out.”</p><p>“Want something to drink?” Suga asked getting to his feet and heading for the back door.</p><p>“Please,” Daichi said wiping the sweat off his face with the bottom of his t-shirt. Suga returned with a glass of ice water. Daichi drank it down, sitting in the grass.</p><p>“Were we still going to the festival together tonight?” Suga started, he’d been thinking about it all day but unsure how to approach it. “I know Asahi isn’t here and the three of us usually went together…”</p><p>“That’s tonight?” Daichi looked up. Suga was nodding, bemused by how bewildered Daichi looked. “What time is it?”</p><p>“Right now? A little after five,” Suga said checking the time on his phone.</p><p>“Oh shit,” Daichi left his empty glass in the grass. “I’ve got to go. I’m sorry, Suga, Michimiya asked me earlier if I’d go with her, and I’m supposed to meet her at five-thirty and I’m sweaty as fuck. I’ve got to run home and shower.”</p><p>“Wait, you’re going with Michimiya?”</p><p>“She asked me the other day at work, I told her yes without even thinking about it,” Daichi admitted, hesitating at the door. “You’re not mad are you?”</p><p>“No, I’m not mad,” Suga said, which was at least partially a lie, it wasn’t mad as much as it was he felt like someone had squeezed all the air out of his lungs.</p><p>“Okay, good,” Daichi breathed out. “Thanks for the water and letting me help you.” Suga couldn’t help but smile, only Daichi would thank him for letting him help.</p><p>“Enjoy your date,” Suga called after him voice pinched. Daichi’s brow furrowed for a minute as he opened the gate to let himself out.</p><p>“Not a date,” he called back as if what was happening could be anything but a date. When he was gone Suga tucked his head between his knees, running his fingers through his hair.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>here we go!<br/>the rest to follow in good time, this one is a little shorter than the other ones<br/>hope you're enjoying~ &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>From Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Hows it going?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>I hadn’t heard from u in so long I thought u died</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>From Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Its not going</p><p>He ditched me 4 Michimiya</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>From Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>That sucks</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>To Asahi:</strong>
</p><p>Can I call u, I hate txting</p><p> </p><p>Asahi sounded tired when he picked up although it was only eight and the sun wasn’t even down yet. Suga was surveying the garden. It had looked like a mess before but with the weeds gone the organization was clearer, the rows he’d planted visible.</p><p>“So do they have you fetching coffee all day long?” Suga asked unsure where to begin and as soon as Asahi answered he wasn’t sure he really wanted to talk about what was going on with Daichi at all anyway. It would be self-absorbed to think Asahi was hanging on to any developments in that sector.</p><p>“I thought it would be, but it’s not,” Asahi answered. “They paired me up with a designer and I’m actually learning stuff. And it’s kind of cool and exciting,” the tiredness fell away from his voice the more he described it. Suga lowered himself onto the step to really listen, punctuating Asahi’s excited ramble with more questions.</p><p>“There’s even a neighborhood volleyball team I joined,” Asahi said, “They meet once a week, very lowkey, all the guys seem cool, nobody too scary.”</p><p>“Only you would be worried about that.”</p><p>“You’ll fit right in,” Asahi said, “We could use an extra setter, our setter right now only shows up half the time, he has a really demanding job or something. I knew since your university didn’t have a team maybe you’d want to still play anyway?” Suga’s chest hurt for a moment.</p><p>“Asahi that sounds really nice,” he said, words coming out choked, swallowing down the lump in his throat. For the first time in a bit he felt the pang of loneliness, followed by intensely missing Asahi and the betrayal that Daichi was out tonight with Michimiya instead of him.</p><p>“Suga, are you alright?” Asahi’s tone shifted and Suga knew that once again he’d been seen right through, even over the phone, even 500 kilometers away.</p><p>“’m fine,” he answered in a way that didn’t even sound convincing to him.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about Daichi?”</p><p>“There’s nothing to talk about,” Suga told him, “I thought we’d go to the festival tonight, and he was over this afternoon and I asked, but it turns out he’s going Michimiya instead. That was <em>our</em> festival, you, me and Daichi and he’s there with <em>her</em>.”</p><p>“Suga, have you considered that maybe he likes her?” Asahi said tentatively. “I mean, obviously, we’re hoping he likes you in that way but what if he doesn’t? Maybe—“</p><p>“Of course, I’ve considered it,” Suga growled, “I know it’s stupid, all of this is so stupid, and I shouldn’t be hurt or mad, but I am. And I feel like I’m in fucking limbo here, not in Tokyo but I’m not really here either.”</p><p>“Maybe you should just move up already?” Asahi asked lightly. Suga swallowed hard, the lump rising in his throat again. He never used to cry so easily but this last month everything felt like too much, all the time. Everything was so <em>unsettled</em>, everything that had ever been easy or simple was now neither of those things, and it all fucking <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>“But I still haven’t said anything…”</p><p>“Maybe you shouldn’t?”</p><p>“Asahi,” Suga breathed out pressing his forehead to his knees. “I think it would physically kill me if I didn’t. You don’t think it would keep me up every night wondering what if I’d had the balls to do something about it?”</p><p>“You’re that serious about it?”</p><p>“Asahi, since the end of first year. Yes, I’m serious about it. I couldn’t live with that kind of regret.”</p><p>“Then just do it, what’s stopping you?”</p><p>“Stop playing devil’s advocate, you know you’d be just as scared shitless as I am,” Suga growled back at him and listened to Asahi’s worried laugh.</p><p>“You’re right, you’re right. I guess, I’m a little jealous. I think I’d just live with the regret,” Asahi ceded.</p><p>“Would you really? Even someone you really really liked?”</p><p>“If I thought he might turn me down, maybe it’d be better for both of us if I didn’t say anything,” Asahi said sounding pensive.</p><p>“Oh no, something’s going on with you isn’t it?” Suga asked.</p><p>“Nothing, nothing’s going on with me,” Asahi laughed uneasily again. “You know, actually Nishinoya is coming down the weekend after next. There’s a Tokyo pro club that’s been scouting him.”</p><p>“For real?”</p><p>“For real. He’s got cousins in Tokyo but he’s going to stay with me. Finally someone will get to use your room.”</p><p>“That’s cool, I’m glad,” Suga said, “You’ll probably glad to have somebody around? Have you been lonely there all by yourself?” he caught himself asking, feeling the emptiness of his own home, and when he really listened he could hear the drums from the festival beyond the sound of the cicadas.</p><p>“Honestly, not really?” Asahi said, “The other interns and I get along really well, we’ve been hanging around after work, and I’ve got the neighborhood team. And you remember Kai from Nekoma? He’s going to school someplace around here, I ran into him at the convenience store, he’s going to get me a part time job at his dad’s shop so I can make some money. Things are actually really good, Suga. When you bailed on me I was worried but it’s all been great so far, Tokyo and everything,” Asahi sounded so relieved that Suga almost wanted to cry again, that things were going so well for Asahi no thanks to him.</p><p>“I was worried. I’m happy for you,” Suga said in what he hoped was a convincing upbeat way, “And Noya coming to visit. Maybe I should’ve gone with you after all.”</p><p>“Suga, just tell him. Even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, he won’t be mean about it, it’s Daichi we’re talking about here,” Asahi told him.</p><p>“You’re right, you’re right,” Suga said running a hand through his hair, knee bouncing nervously. “Why does that make me feel worse?”</p><p>“You should go to the festival anyway, there’ll be other people from school there, Tanaka and Nishinoya at least. Or you could steal Daichi right off of Michimiya’s arm.”</p><p>“You’re right,” Suga agreed nodding and then standing up, “Actually that’s a good idea. Thanks Asahi.”</p><p>“Anytime, Suga.”</p><p> </p><p>It was dark by the time Suga arrived. The hanging lanterns casting everything in warm glowing light. He’d had just enough time to begin to doubt that there was any chance of “stealing” Daichi as Asahi had put it. And first of all he wasn’t even sure where he’d begin to look for him. Before he could even consider it, he’d been nearly run over by Hinata, rambunctious as always. His eyes lit up when he saw it was Suga he’d run into.</p><p>“Suga-san! I thought you were in Tokyo already!”</p><p>“But I just saw you last week, Hinata.”</p><p>“I thought you’d left already, since then,” Hinata amended, and then peered around. “I could’ve sworn Kageyama was right behind me,” he grumbled.</p><p>“You haven’t seen Daichi have you?” Suga asked, and Hinata blinked back to him.</p><p>“I did actually a while ago, he’s with that pretty third year girl, or I guess she graduated so she’s not a third year anymore…?” he trailed off shaking his head, “They were up that way,” he pointed vaguely in the direction he’d come. “I told Kageyama I would beat him at catching the fish and then he just runs off…” he grumbled.</p><p>“If I see him, I’ll tell him to get his ass in gear,” Suga promised and Hinata nodded his head vigorously. Suga headed in the direction Hinata had indicated.</p><p>“Wait, Suga-san?” Hinata called after him and he turned back, “My grades are slipping again and Yachi-san hasn’t taken this class and Tsukishima won’t help me either, could you help me? Uh, if you’re going to still be in town for a bit?”</p><p>“Sure, I could probably do that,” Suga answered, it wasn’t as if he had anything else to do besides wait for the garden to sprout and feel his whole life collapsing in around him.</p><p>“Awesome! Thank you! Maybe! Before practice next week, if that’s okay with you?” Hinata answered.</p><p>“That’s fine,” Suga agreed, Hinata was peering around him again.</p><p>“There he is! Hey! Lazyyama, I’m over here!” he called darting into the crowd. Suga watched him go dazed for a moment by Hinata’s never ending energy. Then he continued his hunt.</p><p>It came up with nothing and he ended up on the edge of the noise and bustle with a taiyaki, texting Asahi that it had all been in vain. Asahi did not answer and Suga reminded himself that he had a life that didn’t revolve around babysitting Suga’s hurt feelings.</p><p>“Hey! Suga!”</p><p>Suga turned to find Daichi jogging toward him, face lit up in a smile. Suga found a mirroring smile splitting his own face, Daichi was alone, Michimiya nowhere to be seen. Stealing someone had never been so easy.</p><p>“I didn’t think you’d be here,” Daichi said slowing as he reached where Suga was perched on the stone barricade.</p><p>“Where’s Michimiya?” <em>Why do I have to ask stupid questions??</em></p><p>“Oh, uh, I lost her someplace,” Daichi looked shy for a moment.</p><p>“That’s no way to treat your date,” Suga scolded him, taking another bite of the taiyaki and then offering Daichi the rest.</p><p>“Uh, not my date,” Daichi corrected him again, considering the taiyaki and then accepting it.</p><p>“I don’t know if you know this but generally going to a festival with someone of the opposite gender is a date,” Suga told him, and it sounded resentful even to his own ears. Daichi winced.</p><p>“I’ve known Michimiya since middle school. Not a date,” he insisted and took a bite out of the taiyaki and sat down next to Suga.</p><p>“So you’re not here to ask me to help you look for her?”</p><p>Daichi gave him another embarrassed smile.</p><p>“If you wouldn’t mind. I’d feel bad to just lose her and call it a night.”</p><p>“True, that’s not very friendly. Kind of like bailing on someone for somebody else.”</p><p>“I deserve that,” Daichi said grimacing. “So you’re pissed at me too?”</p><p>“Maybe just a little,” Suga said. Daichi offered him the last bite of the taiyaki. “Wait, too? Who else is mad at you?”</p><p>“Michimiya.”</p><p>“Daichi, what’d you do?”</p><p>“Okay, I lied, it was definitely a date. Except I didn’t realize it was,” Daichi said scratching his head, “Today is actually the worst.”</p><p>“There, there, it’s happened to many a dumbass,” Suga jeered patting him on the back. Daichi smiled small at him.</p><p>“Anyway, I told her I wasn’t interested and that’s when I lost her, and also incidentally when it was clear she was mad at me.”</p><p>“Wait, you’re not interested in her? Why not?”</p><p>“I’ve known her since middle school, I don’t know,” Daichi shrugged looking at Suga, “I’m just not?” His expression was approaching unreadable and Suga had made it his job to know Daichi’s looks. This one twisted his stomach in knots. Unclear if they were good or bad knots, they hurt a little bit and it looked like maybe they hurt Daichi too.</p><p>“Maybe we should just let her be then,” Suga said, “If she’s mad maybe she’s not even still here. It’ll blow over. Or maybe she’ll just hate you forever, no big deal, right?”</p><p>“Suga, that’s not funny, I feel <em>bad</em>,” Daichi groaned.</p><p>“Let’s get another taiyaki, you’re probably just hungry,” Suga said poking him in the ribs, “Come on. If we run into Michimiya you can get down on the ground and beg forgiveness.”</p><p>“Suga.”</p><p>“Come on, you said it was the worst night, I’m just trying to help, another taiyaki wouldn’t hurt either way. I ran into Hinata earlier, he and Kageyama are going to do battle over catching goldfish. We could do that too. Even though we both already know I’m the pro.”</p><p>“Guess you’ve got to be good at something.”</p><p>“Daichi, that was mean,” but Suga was smiling and Daichi was grinning back at him. He could almost forgive him for making him miserable earlier when he smiled that smile.</p><p> </p><p>**</p><p>Suga had been up and down the aisles of Shimada Mart twice with no sign of Daichi, even though he’d said he was working today. He’d run into Shimada himself, in the back setting up a display, and helped a granny get something off the top shelf. And finally he resigned himself that it was a lost cause and grabbing a tea out of the cooler headed to the front to pay, knowing he’d feel creepy to have walked around for so long without buying anything. The one register that was manned already had a customer and as Suga approached he could see that customer was Michimiya leaning forward and gesturing vividly to the cashier who, Suga could see then, was Daichi, face a picture of alarm. Michimiya didn’t look mad though and the instant he reached the checkout lane they both turned to look at him, faces mirror images of surprise. Michimiya flushed.</p><p>“Sugawara! I was just leaving!” she squeaked turning to go but not before giving Daichi a very pointed look. Daichi looked down and scratched his ear and then finally looked to Suga with what was definitely an embarrassed smile. Suga raised one eyebrow setting down his tea.</p><p>“What was that all about? Did you two make up?”</p><p>“Something like that,” Daichi said ringing in the tea.</p><p>“So she’s not still mad at you?”</p><p>“No, not mad, she was er, helping me with something,” Daichi said as Suga handed him his yen. Daichi handed him back his change, hands brushing.</p><p>“I came here to bother you, but you’ve got customers,” Suga said as the little old lady he’d helped before arrived with her basket. He helped her set it up on the counter. “So I’ll see you around,” he said, a little disappointed, reaching to grab his tea. Daichi caught him by the wrist.</p><p>“Wait, Suga, uh, let’s hang out after I get off work,” his voice was pinched and not usual laid back Daichi and Suga felt like an alarm bell was going off in his head, like his spaceship about to enter the sun’s atmosphere.</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds good,” he said, Daichi still had his wrist and Suga felt heat spreading across his chest and face, his ears burning. “Daichi, you’re acting weird.”</p><p>“What? Weird?” Daichi laughed, letting him go. “I’m not acting weird.”</p><p>“Right. Okay,” Suga opened his tea and took a sip hoping Daichi couldn’t see the color in his cheeks. “I’ll see you later then?”</p><p>“Right, later,” Daichi said nodding and reached to unload the granny’s basket.  Suga waved goodbye to both of them and hurried for the door feeling confused about what exactly had just happened.</p><p> </p><p>Michimiya was sitting on the curb when Suga left the store. She looked up startled at him, brown eyes wide.</p><p>“Sugawara,” she said getting to her feet.</p><p>“Is there something going on?”</p><p>“No. Uh. No, nothing going on,” she told him falling into step beside him. “I just wanted to, uh,” she was gripping the hem of her tank top. “Want to tell you, Daichi and I aren’t, dating. I’m over him.” The alarm bells were ringing again.</p><p>“Okay?” <em>Why are you telling me this?</em></p><p>“Okay, good. I just wanted you to know,” she said.</p><p>“Michimiya, what is going on? You’re okay right? I know you’ve had a thing for him for a while,” Suga said carefully, she threw him a startled glance again.</p><p>“It was just a silly crush,” she exhaled, and he could see the disappointment pulling her lips down.</p><p>“I feel you,” Suga agreed, chest tight. She looked at him again, curious this time.</p><p>“You have a crush on someone?” she asked.</p><p>“Ah, maybe,” Suga said, “Is that embarrassing?”</p><p>“No, no,” she was shaking her head. “Definitely not”</p><p> </p><p>Suga had spent all afternoon in the garden, fairly certain he was sun burned, on the back step, lost in the chorus of the cicadas. His mother wouldn’t be home for a while yet. Daichi had said he wanted to hang out, but he had no idea when he got off work. He thought about dinner absently. Were there leftovers? He probably should’ve picked up groceries earlier… The creak of the door behind him sent him sprawling off the step in panic, turning around to see Daichi.</p><p>“Sorry!”</p><p>“Daichi, you almost gave me a heart attack,” Suga accused him righting himself on the step and trying to slow the hammering of his heart.</p><p>“You weren’t answering your phone,” Daichi told him. “You know your front door is unlocked right?”</p><p>“I do <em>now</em>,” Suga said, Daichi sat down beside him on the step and offered him a popsicle.</p><p>“It took me a while to find you, so I can’t promise it isn’t totally melted.”</p><p>“Alright Daichi what’d you do now? Why’re you bribing me?”</p><p>“It’s peach, your favorite,” Daichi said not answering the question.</p><p>“Do you need help burying a body?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Daichi said opening his own popsicle with a lopsided smile, drinking the liquid out of the wrapper before pulling it out.</p><p>“Anyone I know?” Suga asked before taking a bite out of his. Daichi eyed him, still smiling funny. “What is it?” Suga asked, the popsicle dripping onto his hands.</p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p>“What flavor is yours?”</p><p>“Pear.”</p><p>“Ooh, can I have a bite?”</p><p>“No, you’ve got your own. It’s so wrong that you bite it.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with it? Just a little bite,” Suga leaned over Daichi reaching for his popsicle.</p><p>“Suga,” Daichi growled trying to pushing him off.</p><p>“Just a little bite, please,” Suga grabbed Daichi’s wrist, and Daichi yanked his arm out of Suga’s grasp tugging him forward, Suga falling on top of him, nose bumping into Daichi’s cheek, grabbing a handful of Daichi’s shirt to keep from falling into his lap, Daichi looking down at him with a hazy look in his eyes, lips pulled up in a parted smile, leaning closer. Suga’s heart was doing flip flops. This wasn’t really happening, there was no way this was happening. And then the remaining popsicle on his stick sliding off onto Daichi, dripping off his t-shirt onto his bare thigh down to the sidewalk.</p><p>“Suga,” Daichi groaned, looking startled.</p><p>“My popsicle,” Suga complained, and finally pushed himself off Daichi, spell broken, heart still doing a wobbly staccato. <em>What the fuck was that??</em>  “That was your fault. You’re burying the body on your own now.”</p><p>“Want mine?” Daichi offered it to him. Suga bit the top off, and leaned back.</p><p>“Not as good as the peach,” he said.</p><p> </p><p>“Daichi, you have to come visit us,” Asahi said. His voice continuing even as his image froze up on the Suga’s phone screen. It’d been Daichi’s idea to call him, Daichi leaning over Suga’s shoulder in the kitchen. Suga could feel the warmth of Daichi’s hand on his shoulder, it was deeply distracting. He kept replaying what had happened on the back step in his head. <em>What the fuck??</em> He halfway wished Daichi was not here so he could see what Asahi thought about it.</p><p>“Yes, I will. Suga, I’ll help you move, just tell me when you’re moving,” Daichi said glancing to Suga. Oh right. University. Tokyo. Suga suppressed the grimace.</p><p>“Yeah, Suga when are you coming up?” Asahi asked, the video synced back up, he was in the kitchen area now, then turning his head to some sound off screen and then Nishinoya’s face was up close and out of focus. Daichi elbowed Suga, smothering a laugh.</p><p>“Daichi! Suga!” Nishinoya called cheerily. “You should see Asahi-san’s place. Suga, I am so jealous.”</p><p>“Nishinoya, I didn’t know you were in Tokyo,” Daichi said.</p><p>“I’ve been recruited,” Nishinoya told him proudly, tipping his head down to show off the ball cap he was wearing, pro club logo prominent.</p><p>“How’d the interview go?” Asahi asked Nishinoya, who turned eagerly to him. “Yuu had an interview at with the club today,” Asahi told Daichi and Suga, seeming like he’d forgotten for a moment that he was still on this video call.</p><p>“Yuu?” Suga whispered to Daichi, Daichi turned to him with a grin raising his eyebrows.</p><p>“Noya, how’d it go?” Daichi asked.</p><p>“Good, good,” Nishinoya said, “I’m keeping my options open though. Maybe I’ll just travel after graduation. There’s plenty of time to decide.”</p><p>“You’d travel instead of playing volleyball?” Asahi’s voice was muffled, Nishinoya’s face taking up the whole screen, eyes bright and excited.</p><p>“I’ve always wanted to deep sea fish. See Europe, the pyramids. The chicken! Asahi we’d better eat!”</p><p>“Yuu got karaage, we’d better go,” Asahi cut in taking back his phone, he looked flushed and happy.</p><p>“Good talking to you Asahi,” Suga said.</p><p>“You too, Nishinoya,” added Daichi. Asahi waved, Nishinoya popping into the bottom of the frame with a piece of fried chicken in his mouth, and then it went dark.</p><p>“Yuu?” Suga asked again and Daichi laughed.</p><p>“Does it surprise you, though?” Daichi asked.</p><p>“I guess not, but,” Suga shook his head, unable to get the smile off his face. It was almost dark out.</p><p> </p><p>They went for a walk as the street lamps came on.</p><p>“I could go for some of your dad’s karaage.”</p><p>“Let’s not,” Daichi was not convinced, face lost in the shadow.</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>He shrugged.</p><p>“He thinks I should be in Tokyo with you and Asahi.”</p><p>“He what? But that’s not what you want.” Suga was shaking his head. Daichi gave him a look.</p><p>“You know how it is.”</p><p>Suga nodded, Daichi’s knuckles brushed his, they’d been drifting closer. The touch was electric, fireflies flashed in the dusky light, pulsing softly. Suga let himself imagine for a second reaching out, twining their fingers together. Just for a second though.</p><p>“That’s why I got the job,” Daichi continued after a moment pulling his hand away from Suga’s reaching to scratch his arm. “Save up money and move out, someplace closer to the university.”</p><p>They ended up at the playground Daichi on one of the swings, dragging his feet. Suga on the opposite swing trying to push himself higher.</p><p>“When are you going to Tokyo?” Daichi asked again when at last Suga slowed, the dark was almost complete except for the lamps down the street, and the fireflies, and each moment the stars beginning to come out overhead.</p><p>“I suppose the end of the month,” Suga said, the words casual, but the gloom of it stealing over his heart again. <em>Just give me another month</em>. He was no further into the summer reading than before, no boxes packed, he had emails from teachers sitting in his inbox that he could not force himself to open. Every night when his mom sat down to dinner she was asking if he was almost ready, pinpricks of panic in his spine as he lied and said ‘soon’. Daichi didn’t respond to that but Suga could feel his eyes on him in the dark.</p><p>“Suga,” Daichi finally started, a tone that was alien, a tone like when he’d told him all those months ago he thought Ukai was going to go with Kageyama as the starter, it was bad news whatever he was about say. Suga’s heart jumped into his throat, pulling his swing to a stop, wondering if it was too late to run, could he even run from Daichi? Daichi’s head was bowed, eyes on his knees.</p><p>“What is it?” Suga dared.</p><p>“I just,” he trailed off again, then lifting his head and Suga wished he could see his face better in the dark, “I mean,” he tugged at a sleeve of his t-shirt. “You’ll tell me when you’re going to go right? You’re not just going to leave…?”</p><p>Suga gulped, feeling worse.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll tell you,” he promised.</p><p>Daichi was still quiet, and it felt incomplete, the question he’d asked wasn’t half of it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Suga I need your help,” Daichi said as they knocked the volleyball back and forth the next evening. They hadn’t played in months and Suga felt like he’d already gone rusty, meanwhile Daichi resumed play with an effortlessness that almost made him angry. Daichi’s university had a volleyball team but they didn’t meet over the summer, at least not for freshman. They’d already recruited him and Suga didn’t think he’d be surprised if Daichi ended up a starter again.</p><p>“Help with what?” Suga flubbed his receive the ball flying wild.  Daichi let it go, too out of reach. He leaned over to brace himself on his knees panting. Although the sun was behind the trees and the day stretching toward evening it was still hot out and Suga mopped the sweat from his face with the hem of his t-shirt, the cicadas continuing as loud as ever. Daichi stopped to do the same, and Suga forced himself to not let his eyes settle on the muscles of Daichi’s stomach. <em>Forbidden.</em> He looked away.</p><p>“My parents are going out of town tomorrow night, helping my aunt and uncle with something.”</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“Could you help me babysit?”</p><p>“Sure. Taiyo and Sho-chan love me, it’ll keep them from crying being stuck with you,” Suga said with a grin. “I’m their <em>favorite</em>.” Daichi didn’t take the bait, instead looking grateful.</p><p>“I owe you, if it was just one of them it’d be fine but the two of them,” he shook his head, “they gang up on me, I don’t stand a chance.”</p><p>“Some captain you are, forced into submission by two tiny elementary school kids,” Suga teased. Daichi picked up the volleyball and served it at him. Suga got under it this time and bumped it back. Daichi received the pass smoothly. “Okay, I’ll bite, who’ve you been practicing with?”</p><p>“A couple of times with the neighborhood team, Shimada invited me,” Daichi answered grinning and Suga felt the stab that the invitation wasn’t also extended to him. “I’m sure you could come too, if you wanted?” Daichi amended, reading, what was probably, a look of hurt on Suga’s face. “I just thought maybe it didn’t make sense if you’re just going to be moving the end of the month?” Suga had forgotten again that all of this was temporary, and he missed the ball again, glancing off his arms at an odd angle into the gathering dusk.</p><p>“Yeah I suppose that makes sense,” Suga agreed not meeting Daichi’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Outside the gym, Suga went over the material with Hinata, who it was clear was doing his best to stay focused, but each time there was the sound of the impact of Kageyama serving inside, his eyes did a little jump. It was obvious what he’d rather be doing. Suga felt himself doing the same thing after a while, itching to be on the court where it was simple.</p><p>“Shoyo! Suga! What’re you doing?” Nishinoya appeared from around the corner, he looked like he had dunked his head in a bucket of water, dripping all over the sidewalk, walking barefoot, carrying his shoes.</p><p>“Suga’s helping me with calculus,” Hinata said finally looking up, face brightening at the prospect of a distraction. Nishinoya crouched down to them, leaning over Hinata’s shoulder.</p><p>“Suga, how come you never would help me with calculus?”</p><p>“Ennoshita is better at it than I am, but Hinata asked me so—“ Suga shrugged.</p><p>“You’d be a good teacher, Suga-san,” Hinata said nodding solemnly, “I think I’m finally getting some of this.”</p><p>“Are you just saying that so you can get back into the gym with Kageyama?” Suga asked grinning at Hinata who instantly looked like that was in fact his plan all along.</p><p>“Just for a bit, I’ll come right back,” Hinata promised and Suga let him go. Nishinoya stayed where he was crouched, drinking from his water bottle and considering Hinata’s textbook.</p><p>“Noya, how is Asahi, really? I feel like he doesn’t ever call me anymore,” Suga asked.</p><p>“Really good, I think,” Nishinoya said brightening. “That apartment is really cool. Asahi-san said you picked it out? The balcony makes you feel like you’re on top of the world and he’s got all these plants. And I met some of the other interns, they all seem cool. Then Morisuke showed up with Kai and Kuroo and they took us out. Tokyo is amazing,” Nishinoya said nodding, eyes lit up, “and Asahi seemed really happy.” Suga nodded.</p><p>“He’s too modest, he definitely found that apartment. He was doing all kinds of math figuring out how far each of our commutes would be so it was right in the middle,” Suga said, heart gripping for a minute remembering it. Asahi was always too kind. And how did he repay him? By letting him go on first alone. Nishinoya was still grinning.</p><p>“You’re going at the end of the month then?” he asked. Suga nodded again, trying to keep his own smile on his face, trying to imagine himself in the picture that Nishinoya had painted, the beautiful apartment, the city, the old friends, the new friends. <em>But no Daichi.</em></p><p>“I’m going to come up to visit again, in the fall after we get through the prelims for Spring Nationals,” Nishinoya continued. “The team I was interviewing with wanted me to come to a practice and see how it went.”</p><p>“I thought you were going to go to Europe?”</p><p>“Maybe, maybe not. Either way it’d be fun to see Tokyo in the fall, and I wouldn’t say no to playing some volleyball while I’m at it. Maybe I can get Daichi to come with and we can all hang out like old times?” Nishinoya suggested giving Suga a look. Suga felt heat spreading into his face wondering what traitorous things Asahi had told him.</p><p>“Might as well bring Tanaka too while you’re at it,” Suga was quick to suggest.</p><p>“That’s a great idea!” Nishinoya said jumping to his feet at that idea. “I’ll go tell him right now! Do you think Ennoshita and the others will feel left out? How many people do you think you could fit in the apartment? I’ll ask Asahi-san, he’ll know,” Nishinoya was off before Suga could answer him shouting ‘Ryu!’ at the top of his lungs and somewhere more distant was the returning call of ‘Noya-san!’</p><p>Suga looked over Hinata’s scribbled equations, not sure that Hinata had really learned anything at all, but thinking again of what he’d said about being a teacher. <em>That wouldn’t be so bad would it?</em> He could almost see himself in a classroom, bright eyed students, a few troublemakers he could put in their place, kids like Hinata he could help. Then he was picturing again the back porch, hand in Daichi’s t-shirt, the look on his face, lips parted. <em>No, no, no, stop it.</em> Suga got up and wondered where Nishinoya had dunked his head in water because he needed that right now too.</p><p>It kept repeating either way, when he walked later to Daichi’s house. His parents would be gone. It was just them... <em>Stop it, Koushi, get it together! </em></p><p>Daichi was already looking harried when he opened the door, one child wrapped around each leg, Shoko who was almost nine her dark hair in two long braids down her shoulders and Taiyo who was five, dark hair cropped close. They both had the same warm brown eyes as Daichi, both beaming up at him now. Taiyo was missing one of his front teeth, a tiny gap his tongue was poking out of.</p><p>“Suga-chan!” Shoko was the first to shout, releasing Daichi to throw herself onto Suga, Taiyo following suite.</p><p>“I’m not going to survive,” Daichi said as Shoko hung off one of Suga’s arms and Taiyo had crawled up his back like a koala.</p><p>“Relax captain, it’ll be fine,” Suga told him cheerily. “Let’s go to the park, huh?” he said more to the little ones than Daichi. “Burn off some energy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Suga-chan, look,” called Shoko later from where she had Daichi hostage on the couch. Shoko had managed to tie two pigtails from Daichi’s too long hair. Taiyo was snickering. Daichi was giving Suga the look he usually reserved for when the team was dissolving into chaos and no amount of him shouting was going to stop them. ‘Long suffering’ is how Suga would’ve described it.</p><p>“That looks super cute, Sho-chan,” Suga told her with a thumbs up. “Don’t you feel cute, Daichi?” Daichi gave him a murderous smile. Suga would pay for that later, it was only a matter of time. But also so worth it.</p><p>“How about I do your hair instead?” Daichi asked Shoko. “Or maybe we could catch Suga-chan. I’m sure he’d <em>love</em> a makeover.”</p><p>Shoko’s eyes lit up and Suga took that as a sign that the omelets he was making for dinner might possibly be burning and needed his immediate attention.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a nice look,” Suga said as he and Daichi cleaned up after dinner. Daichi had left the pigtails in. Taiyo and Shoko were in the living room arguing over what movie to watch.</p><p>“Thanks,” Daichi said with menace, “Hey Suga, you’ve got something on your face—“</p><p>“What?” Suga reached to touch his chin when Daichi threw the wet dish rag onto his face, slopping water all down the front of Suga’s shirt.</p><p>“What the hell, Daichi,” gasped Suga pulling the rag off his face while Daichi bent double over his knees laughing so hard he could barely breathe. Suga plunged the rag into the water in the sink and then rang it out over Daichi’s head.</p><p>“Suga!” Daichi sputtered and then tried to wrestle the rag out of his hand while Suga cackled. Daichi got an arm around Suga’s neck pushing his head toward the sink full of soapy water. Laughing Suga tried to push Daichi off.</p><p>“You asked for it!” Daichi laughed.</p><p>“No, stop, stop,” Suga howled and then changed tactics when it was clear pleading for mercy was not working. “Help! Sho-chan! Taiyo! Your brother’s trying to drown me!”</p><p>There was the patter of feet and Daichi finally let go of Suga as the two younger Sawamuras leapt onto him. Still laughing he tried to shake them off.</p><p>“See? Told you they liked me better,” Suga panted. Daichi’s eyes crinkled at him, Shoko hanging off one shoulder and Taiyo wrapped around one of his legs.</p><p>“Suga, you’re a menace.”</p><p> </p><p>Dishes done, they deconstructed the family sofa. Daichi brought blankets and chairs from the table and they built a fort, Shoko and Taiyo had to be threatened to be separated when they got into a scuffle over who got to sit where. And finally the two laid down up front with their pillows, Daichi and Suga propped up against the skeleton of the couch behind them.</p><p>“How much do you want to bet they’re asleep by the end of the movie?” Suga asked as Daichi started the DVD with a weary sigh.</p><p>“I’ll buy you a meat bun if they both fall asleep.”</p><p>“You think they’ll still be awake?”</p><p>“I’m not betting you, I’m bribing you,” Daichi said. Suga grinned.</p><p>“I’ll hold you to that, captain.”</p><p>They’d picked The Lion King at Suga’s insistence, he’d brought it on purpose from home knowing neither Taiyo nor Shoko had seen it. He’d only had to tell them it was <em>his favorite</em>, before they’d been all for it, Suga smirking at Daichi who had rolled his eyes.</p><p>Even though he’d seen it more times than he could count when Mufasa died Suga still had to blink back tears. Even knowing it was coming didn’t make it less heart wrenching. He bit his lip, and felt Daichi’s eyes on him. Before he could make light of it, Daichi was patronizingly patting Suga on the head. Tears gone immediately, Suga punched him in the ribs in retaliation.</p><p>“Asshole,” he whispered and Daichi snickered.</p><p>Somewhere between when Shoko asked Suga if they could eat bugs like Timon and Puumba and the montage where Simba was growing up, Suga felt a growing weight against his shoulder. Daichi leaning hard against him, breathing deep and even, only one lopsided pig tail left in his hair. Suga let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, letting himself sink into the familiar comfort. How many times had that happened on the bus rides home after games? Their past was infinite but their future was singular. Was this the last time? He bit back the lump rising in his throat. Onscreen lions fell in love, dead dad trauma healed. Life purpose restored. Suga wished any of those things were half as easy.</p><p>When the lions fought at the end, Shoko crawled into Suga’s lap, the two of them the only ones still awake. Suga wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head.</p><p>“There’s a happy ending right?” she whispered.</p><p>“Yep, no worries,” he whispered back.</p><p> </p><p>And then like that it was over, Shoko yawning and rubbing her eyes. The clock on the tv reporting it was way past her and Taiyo’s bed time. Suga carefully shuffled Daichi off, his head tipping back against the couch, snoring now. He picked up Taiyo who was sucking his thumb and holding Shoko’s hand he took them to the room they shared to tuck them in. That done he returned to the last Sawamura left out of bed.</p><p>“Daichi,” Suga whispered crouching beside him. Daichi’s head shot up and he blinked owlishly around, first at the white static on the tv screen and then at Suga who was beside him grinning.</p><p>“Huh? What’d I miss?” he mumbled reaching to rub his eyes.</p><p>“I’ve gotta go home before my mom files a missing persons report,” Suga told him.</p><p>“I thought you told her you were staying over?”</p><p>“Was I supposed to do that?”</p><p>“Can you just text her? Don’t leave me here with the gremlins,” Daichi said running a hand through his hair and rediscovering the pig tail. Suga laughed softly as he pulled it out.</p><p>“I already put them to bed.”</p><p>“My parents won’t be back until noon tomorrow. Who’s going to feed them breakfast?” Daichi was teasing him now but Suga pulled out his phone anyway. He called instead of texting and was immediately gratified for his efforts with the panicked answer from his mother. He explained and then handed the phone to Daichi to confirm his story.</p><p>“She’s paranoid, I’m sorry,” Suga said after he’d hung up. He was contemplating whether or not they ought to leave the cushion fort until tomorrow or put it away now. Daichi hadn’t moved from his spot.</p><p>“No need to apologize,” Daichi said, eyelids looking heavy again. Suga wondered what the point of him staying was if Daichi was half asleep anyway.</p><p>“Guess it’s time to haul the last Sawamura to bed, huh?” he asked. Daichi frowned at him. “Do you need a piggy back ride like Taiyo or I should I just hold your hand.”</p><p>“I’ve got a spare futon upstairs or would you rather sleep on the couch?”</p><p>“Either, it doesn’t matter,” Suga assured him deciding on that note it made more sense to put the couch back together. He pulled the blankets off the fort and put the cushions back where they belonged. Daichi yawned getting to his feet.</p><p>“Thanks,” he said.</p><p>“Alright buddy time for bed,” Suga said with a grin offering Daichi his hand. Daichi gave him a goofy smile and then to Suga’s confusion he actually took his hand. Daichi’s hands were big and warm but dry, callouses on his palms from spiking. Suga tried not to think about it anymore than that and turned to pull Daichi up the stairs like an unwilling toddler. They reached Daichi’s bedroom and Suga came to a stop, his heart was drumming for reasons he couldn’t quite pin down. He let go of Daichi’s hand. Daichi was giving him some kind of look.</p><p>“Suga,” he started.</p><p>“I think I’ll sleep on the couch,” Suga told him then, “Your guest futon is lumpy if I remember right.”</p><p>“Rude but okay,” Daichi answered him looking a little taken aback. Suga flushed.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”</p><p>“It’s fine. You never said anything about it before?”</p><p>“Ah,” Suga scratched the back of his neck, “Maybe I’m getting your house and Asahi’s mixed up.”</p><p>“Maybe that’s right, I think the futon at Asahi’s is pretty lumpy. Want to try mine out? If I’m wrong then you can go sleep on the couch.” Suga didn’t know why he was angling so hard not to sleep in Daichi’s room or why Daichi was trying equally as hard to keep him off the couch.</p><p>Daichi laid out the futon handing Suga one of his pillows, spreading out sheets and a blanket, even though it was warm enough Suga was sure he wouldn’t need it. Even with the air conditioning going the upstairs felt a little too warm for comfort.</p><p>Suga lay down to the fresh horror that the futon was not lumpy at all.</p><p>“Please forgive me,” he said as Daichi smirked at him.</p><p>“Good night Suga,” and then he switched off the light. Suga lay awake in the dark, wondering why he felt as unsettled as he did right now, it wasn’t like he’d never stayed over at Daichi’s house before. The light had only been out for ten minutes when Suga nearly leapt out of his skin at the sound of the door opening, the light from the nightlight in the hallway revealing the shape of a small child, presumably Shoko. She crossed the floor nearly tripping over Suga with a shriek.</p><p>“Dai, I’m scared,” she said jumping into Daichi’s bed, to a muffled ‘oof’ from Daichi. And then shortly after Taiyo appeared actually crying and then joined the other two in the bed, Suga laughing a little to himself listening to them shuffle around.</p><p>“I wanna be next to Daichi too,” Taiyo complained.</p><p>“Shoko stop touching my hair,” Daichi hissed.</p><p>“Taiyo’s feet are cold,” Shoko whispered. Suga pressed a hand over his mouth, as the bickering continued. Daichi shuffled around Taiyo onto the other side of him to separate the two. Taiyo started crying again briefly before Shoko told him to stop being a baby. Daichi huffed and groaned and sighed and finally for a while it was quiet. Suga had almost nodded off when the bed creaked and he was intensely aware of the large shadow extricating himself from the tangle of legs. Daichi sank down next to him on the futon with a heavy sigh.</p><p>“We can both fit on here right?” he asked sounding deeply, truly, exhausted.</p><p>“I can go down to the couch,” Suga offered again.</p><p>“Don’t leave me with them,” Daichi whispered. “They make so much body heat, I’m dying.” He lay down next to Suga pulling his own pillow underneath his head and letting out a long sigh. Now Suga felt like he was overheating, aware of everywhere they were nearly touching, certain that Daichi was hanging off his side of the futon because there was no way they both fit like this. Then Daichi was breathing deep and even again, fast asleep, and the tension leaked out of Suga’s body, drifting into the strange comfort of the sound of Daichi’s breathing.</p><p>He woke with somebody’s arm over his neck, and icy toes against his back. For a moment Suga tried to reassemble where he was at because it was not his room and there was no way he was at training camp where it made any sort of sense to have your space invaded by other people’s bodies, and then he was aware of Shoko drooling on his pillow, her arm over his neck, her wild head of hair the only thing separating him from Daichi who was still definitely asleep, on his back snoring softly. The cold feet could only be Taiyo who was on Suga’s other side. He was trapped in a pile of Sawamuras. And he really needed to pee. He tried to gently remove Shoko’s arm from his neck. She sighed in her sleep flipping over, her arm landing right on Daichi’s face, who groaned loud and pushed her off. She huddled closer to him, still asleep, wrapping her little arms around his neck. Daichi’s eyes found Suga’s across the mess.</p><p>“Help me,” he breathed.</p><p>Suga tried to sit up but that startled Taiyo who started to whimper, little hands catching hold of the back collar of Suga’s tee, pulling until Suga felt like he was choking. He shook Taiyo off and then tried to peel Shoko off of Daichi. She woke up then, took one look at Suga’s face and let out a blood curdling scream.</p><p>Suga got out before it could get any worse and when he returned from the bathroom it was to find the pile had filled in his empty space, Daichi snoring again, Shoko’s head on his chest and his arm around Taiyo. Suga crawled into the empty bed and fell back asleep.</p><p> </p><p>“Suga?” the sound of Daichi’s voice, not the blinding sunlight was what finally roused Suga. “Are you hungry? I made pancakes.”</p><p>“Daichi, you can’t cook,” Suga blearily told him, peeling open his eyes to see Daichi still in his wrinkled pajamas looking disheveled but in a handsome way that was not good for Suga’s heart. He shut his eyes, this was clearly some sort of dream.</p><p>“Did you hear me? Pancakes,” Daichi said, this time shaking Suga’s shoulder. “Come eat or I’ll call the other two up here to drag you out of bed.”</p><p>“Please, anything but that,” Suga groaned finally pushing himself up.</p><p>He entered the kitchen to the percussive beat of Shoko and Taiyo banging their fists on the table and chanting ‘pancakes!’ Suga dropped down into an empty chair and Daichi brought forth the alleged pancakes. They were only slightly blackened and preliminary taste tests from Taiyo proved they were in fact edible. Daichi looked proud of himself and Suga thought maybe he was finally waking up and this wasn’t some sort of weird dream. Then Daichi brought him a mug of coffee and he decided that if it were a dream it would definitely be a good one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you excited for school?” Daichi’s dad was at the stove. He had Daichi beat just barely for height, they were built the same though, strong shoulders, easy smiles. He’d turned to give Suga an assessing look and as always saw right through the bullshit. Suga could hide it from everyone else all he wanted but Daichi’s dad narrowed his eyes. “Changing your mind?” Suga looked away back to Shoko who was perched on his lap and he ran the brush through her hair again for good measure. He had two options, he could either pretend that everything was fine and hope Daichi’s dad didn’t badger him, or he could crack. He weighed the words in his mouth sectioning Shoko’s hair into three.</p><p>“I thought I knew what I wanted,” Suga said, “I guess now I’m not so sure.”</p><p>“You’re young, you’ve got time,” Mr. Sawamura said turning back to the stove.</p><p>“What if I make the wrong choice?”</p><p>“You can always change your mind, you don’t have to stick with one thing. I didn’t,” he said.</p><p>“Suga-chan you’re pulling,” complained Shoko pinching Suga’s knee.</p><p>“I started off in design kind of like Azumane, except I never had the guts to go to Tokyo,” Mr. Sawamura continued dumping the cut up vegetables into the pan. They sizzled. “And then I was in business for a while, before I ended up at the restaurant. And maybe each of those steps along the way were ‘wrong choices’ but I learned something for it and there’s no saying that if I hadn’t made those wrong choices I would’ve ended up where I am now or halfway as happy.”</p><p>“I don’t want to waste time.”</p><p>“You’re young, there’s time to waste,” he assured Suga. Suga tied off Shoko’s braid and she sprang out of his lap to show her dad. There came the sound of hurrying footsteps down the stairs and Daichi reappeared with his backpack, breathless. Suga’s heart did vaguely traitorous things in his chest and he had to look away.</p><p>“You were talking about wasting time?” he asked Suga, who shrugged in response. Daichi was always the first one he told but this time he couldn’t bear to.</p><p>“You boys staying for lunch?” his dad asked Daichi as he opened the fridge pulling out a couple of cold water bottles, tossing one to Suga across the room. Suga got to his feet, stuffing the bottle into his own bag. Much as he would’ve loved to eat whatever Mr. Sawamura was cooking, he could feel Daichi hurrying to get them out of the house.</p><p>“Nah, we’ll get something on the way. That fine, Suga?” he asked. Suga nodded. “Okay, we’re leaving then.”</p><p>“Be safe,” his dad called after them and Daichi led the way out the door. He’d dug out his bike. Suga saw it and smiled for a second remembering being a first year biking home from school. Daichi always wanted to race. He’d brought his own today, and in a minute they were off.</p><p>The creek was outside of town, a steep uphill ride that left Suga panting, Daichi slowly pulling ahead. He was laughing breathlessly, finally stopping to wait.</p><p>“Quit showing off,” Suga accused him when he reached him, leaning forward on the handles and trying to catch his breath. Daichi leaned back still smiling, sun on his face, he was glowing, all muscle and long eyelashes and Suga felt dizzy just looking at him, dragging his eyes away.</p><p>“Come on, no more uphill,” Daichi promised dismounting and pushing his bike off the road into the trees where he left it, hiking up a small incline, offering his hand to pull Suga up. Suga rolled his eyes at him, but took his hand anyway.</p><p>The creek ran smooth and calm here. Daichi had brought his fishing pole but almost even before he’d dropped his stuff he was kicking off his shoes, dragging his t-shirt off over his head. Suga followed suit, wiping the sweat off his face, jumping in after Daichi with a shout. The water was ice cold, running from some remaining snow melt somewhere higher up in the mountains. They splashed and swam until Suga was exhausted, lying in the shallows while Daichi stacked rocks. Suga watching him, tongue poked out of his mouth in concentration.</p><p>“What would the team say if they could see you like this?”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>“Captain, language.”</p><p>“Suga. Fuck off.” Daichi flipped him off as the rock he was balancing on top of his stack sent the whole thing collapsing into the water. Suga laughed at him and Daichi swiped a wave of water right into his face. Suga splashed him back, trying to escape up the incline through the weeds, Daichi grabbing his ankle and hauling him back into the water.</p><p>Finally they dragged themselves up the bank, the sun hot on their skin through the trees, blades of grass stuck to Suga’s bare shoulders. Daichi opened his backpack and passed him the lunch food they’d picked up at the convenience store along the way.</p><p> </p><p>Daichi had rolled over onto his stomach, head pillowed in his arms. Suga caught himself tracing the constellation of freckles across Daichi’s tan shoulders with his eyes.</p><p>“Are you sleeping?”</p><p>Daichi turned his head to look at Suga.</p><p>“Thinking about it.”</p><p>“You need a haircut.”</p><p>“I thought you liked it?”</p><p>“You’re getting dangerously close to crossing the mullet line,” Suga informed him tugging on the long bits starting to curl at the base of his neck. Daichi hunched his shoulders up wiggling out of Suga’s grasp. “I could cut it for you.”</p><p>“That sounds like an awful idea.”</p><p>“I’ve cut hair before, Tanaka let me shave his head once.”</p><p>“Hell no, you’re not shaving my head.”</p><p>“Why not? I bet it’d look good on you, Captain,” snickered Suga getting a handful of Daichi’s hair. Daichi rolled over and sat up, elbowing him off. Brushing the loose grass off his chest and stomach. Daichi reached to grab a handful of Suga’s hair.</p><p>“Hey let go!”</p><p>“How do you like that, huh?”</p><p>Suga jabbed him in the ribs with his fist and Daichi let him go.</p><p>“You little-!”</p><p>Suga scrambled out of his reach, laughing and jumping back into the creek, Daichi following after him.</p><p> </p><p>They raced downhill on the way back to town, the wind ripping through Suga’s hair, laughter spilling out of his throat. Daichi was ahead but just barely, leaning forward over his handle bars. Overhead dark billowing clouds were pouring in, the wind smelled like rain. Suga wasn’t thinking about that, he was thinking about beating Daichi who was slowly pulling ahead. Fat raindrops met Suga’s face, just a splattering, just the beginning.</p><p>It was just a moment, a wheel catching on gravel and then Daichi was spilled on the ground tangled up under the bike still laughing. Suga slammed to a halt, dropping his bike, nearly tripping over it to get to Daichi.</p><p>“Shit Daichi!”</p><p>“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Daichi wheezed pushing the bike up. His knees scraped up. Suga’s stomach dropped.</p><p>“Did you hit your head?”</p><p>“Suga I’m okay,” Daichi insisted still laughing a little breathlessly. Suga took in his scraped up knees.</p><p>“You don’t look okay.”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine</em>,” Daichi said but then grimaced as he tried to stand to prove it. Suga caught his elbow to help him up, and Daichi pulled back from him with a yelp, and they could see he had blood on his elbows as well. “Maybe not fine,” Daichi ceded voice a little shaky now. Suga gripped his bicep instead helping him up. His stomach in knots. The rain was coming down now. Limping a little, Daichi picked up his bike and they moved slowly back onto the road.</p><p>“My house is closer,” Suga found himself filling in, grabbing his bike and coming back to Daichi’s side. Daichi swung his leg over the bike, the front wheel bent a little but it looked like it would still ride. “Maybe you should walk?” Suga suggested.</p><p>“I’ll be alright,” Daichi told him pushing off, Suga grimacing as he wobbled a little. The front wheel was definitely not going to make it easy, and Daichi stopped himself after a moment. Getting back off with a sheepish look to Suga. “Maybe not.”</p><p>The walk felt twice as long as it would have otherwise. They were soaked through by the time they reached Suga’s house, the rain relentless.</p><p>“I fucked up huh?” Daichi asked as Suga unlocked his front door and let him in. “Good thing Doctor Sugawara is here.” Suga grimaced following him in. Daichi sank down into one of the kitchen chairs, dripping, wiping the water off his face with his arm. While Suga went in search of band-aids. He came back catching sight of the sharp look of pain on Daichi’s face in the instant before Daichi realized he’d come back. Suga passed Daichi a towel. Then he turned to the dark blood on Daichi’s knees. Kneeling down and taking the damp wash cloth, he found his hands shaking, he could hardly look at the blood, and caught himself against Daichi’s thigh.</p><p>“Suga?” Daichi sounded rightfully worried now, hand on his shoulder. Suga leaned back on his heels looking up at Daichi’s face because he could not look at his knees without feeling like he was going to be sick. “Suga, talk to me.”</p><p>“I feel like I’m going to pass out,” he admitted, Daichi took the rag from his hand.</p><p>“Blood always made you squeamish didn’t it?”</p><p>Suga couldn’t remember what other time he’d balked at blood like this in front of Daichi, but he was sure it existed and he’d repressed the memory. He leaned away tucking his head between his knees while Daichi cleaned the debris off his knees.</p><p>“Got any antiseptic?”</p><p>“I’ll grab it,” Suga mumbled getting to his feet and going to grab it.</p><p>He could only face Daichi later, with three band-aids on each knee and two strapped onto his elbow. Outside the rain had stopped the sun back out, the air muggy and thick.</p><p>“I’m sorry. Some help I was.”</p><p>“Its fine,” Daichi assured him as they considered the bent rim of his bicycle’s front wheel. “I’m a little worried about how you’re going to make it through med school, but that’s a problem for another day right?”</p><p>Suga laughed but his heart wasn’t in it.</p><p>“At least I can fix this,” he said taking the bike from Daichi, lining up the bend with the front step and with his foot bending it back so it was relatively straight. Daichi gave it a spin and it didn’t catch anymore.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom, what if I just didn’t go to Tokyo,” Suga tried the words out. The garden was silent in response, the vines creeping up their scaffolding, cucumbers peeking out from under big wrinkly leaves, squash hiding in the mess, the one strange shaped watermelon trying to escape off the edge of the patch, the strawberries finally ripe. He pulled one off and popped it into his mouth. His mom would be home soon. It was pressing harder into his spine. He was trying to imagine a new picture to press himself into. He could still move out, someplace closer to the university in Sendai, his application had been accepted it would just be a matter of telling them that he was coming, enroll for classes. <em>You’d be a good teacher, Suga-san</em>. Hinata’s words had been like a bucket of cold water over his head but he hadn’t been able to let go of them. The more he thought about them the righter they felt. A space he fit.</p><p>He started gathering up the strawberries, he’d make the jam tonight. He imagined presenting a jar of it to Daichi. Then shaking the image out of his head. The image that chased it was the look on Daichi’s face on the back porch, Suga feeling breathless in the instant before the popsicle melted off of the stick.</p><p>“Koushi what smells so good?” his mom called later. In her scrubs at the edge of the kitchen. Suga was contemplating the five jars cooling on the counter, the sixth one he had a knife in and was in the process of spreading it on a piece of toast.</p><p>“I thought we were going to wait and do it together this weekend,” she asked dropping her purse and surveying the mess Suga hadn’t gotten around to cleaning up yet.</p><p>“I couldn’t wait,” he answered her and then consequences be damned, continued, “Mom, what if I don’t want to be a doctor?”</p><p>She froze midway pulling a spoon out of the drawer. Eyes on Suga’s face, worried. Suga braced for the lecture that was coming.</p><p>“Koushi, what’s going on?” she asked instead sitting down next to him at the table and taking a spoonful of the jam.</p><p>“Been thinking,” he answered and took an uneasy bite of his toast.</p><p>“What do you want to do instead?” she asked leaning onto the table and fixing him with a smile. Suga let himself smile reluctantly back, he felt the knot in his stomach untwisting.</p><p>“A teacher, maybe? I don’t know. Mr. Sawamura said it’s okay to change my mind.”</p><p>“He’s right, sweetheart,” his mom agreed reaching to ruffle his hair. Suga leaned into her hands, tears pricking his eyes with gratitude. “Okay, so what’s the plan? You’ve got a plan already don’t you?”</p><p>He nodded just a little.</p><p>“First I’ve gotta tell Asahi I’m not moving to Tokyo.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Can u give me a haircut</p><p>Suga stared at the words on the screen. Every time he’d suggested cutting Daichi’s hair it had been a joke, did that mean this was also a joke? There was no indication one way or the other. And if Daichi was serious then what the hell did that mean? He’d been making calls all morning, first to the school in Sendai to see if he still had time to enroll for classes and then to Tokyo to tell them he wasn’t coming. He felt like he’d left the warm up box to enter the court, the tension in his muscles easing with easy motion. He’d been waiting for so long, it felt good to move. He still had to call Asahi and had been considering that when he’d gotten the text from Daichi. He tried to remember if he was working today.</p><p>
  <strong>To Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Come over after work ;-)</p><p>Suga weighed the text for a just a moment before hitting send. His mom was doing an overnight shift today so he’d have the whole house to himself. The perseids meteor shower was peaking tonight and for a while he’d thought maybe that was something Daichi would want to see. <em>Want to see with me</em>. But it felt too weird to ask.</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Not working today, looking at apartments</p><p> </p><p>Suga felt the gut punch, setting the phone down and laying down on the floor. Of course he was. Even as Suga was trying to stay, Daichi was itching to go.</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>B back sometime after noon. Think there’s a meteor shower tonight, interested?</p><p> </p><p>Suga’s heart squeezed</p><p>
  <strong>To Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Want 2 just stay over like old times? Mom’s got an overnight</p><p>
  <strong>From Daichi:</strong>
</p><p>Sounds good</p><p>Suga sat up, he had to tell him tonight. That he was staying, at least. Now that he’d squared things away with the schools. He pulled up Asahi’s contact wondering if he was on his lunch break yet.</p><p> </p><p>The house was empty, even though it was already deep into evening, the days getting shorter, sun retreating sooner each night. Suga had told Asahi that afternoon, a phone call he’d been dreading, but he felt lighter now somehow. Asahi it turns out had been expecting something like this, and he had been encouraging in a way Suga wasn’t sure he could have been if their places had been reversed. He’d already secured a job at Kai’s dad’s shop, thought one of the other interns had been talking about moving and maybe he would want to share the lease. Daichi had appeared on his door step later, and Suga could understand why he wanted a haircut finally, starting to curl at the ends.</p><p>And now they were in the bathroom, and Suga had dug out the hair clippers. Daichi ran his hands through his hair again, even though he seemed impassive about the whole thing, once Suga had sat him down on the closed lid of the toilet and pulled out the clippers, a worried pinch came into his brows. If he hadn’t known Daichi maybe he wouldn’t have noticed it, but now he could feel it like a discordant sound jangling through the space between them. Suga set his hand onto Daichi’s shoulder and Daichi flinched.</p><p>“Don’t worry, Captain.”</p><p>“I’m not worried,” Daichi said. Suga plugged clippers into the wall and considered the options of guards for how close to shave it.</p><p>“Hey Suga,” Daichi started as Suga fiddled with the guard on the clippers.</p><p>“For real, don’t worry, Daichi. I won’t fuck it up. I practiced on Tanaka earlier.”</p><p>“Honestly that doesn’t make me feel better,” Daichi told him the side of his mouth ticking up and Suga cackled. “I think maybe I’ll just leave it how it is,” he said turning around from where he was sitting on the lid of the toilet, Suga perched on the edge of the bath behind him. Suga threw a towel on over his shoulders pushing him back into place.</p><p>“Too late.”</p><p>Then with one hand on Daichi’s head to steady himself he started the clippers buzzing until he could feel the vibration tingling in his bones. Daichi went silent and still. Suga trimmed up the back and the sides, leaving it a little longer on top. Running his fingers through Daichi’s hair as he went, heart doing small acrobatics in his chest. He was surprised Daichi had let him. Surprised he was sitting on Suga’s toilet right now, the tension bled out of his shoulders, all zen and peaceful, eyes shut. Suga soaked it up for a minute going slower. At least if he never got the nerve up to say anything he’d always have this. Daichi’s eyes opened as if he’d telepathically heard Suga’s thoughts.</p><p>“You’re taking a long time. Do I have any hair left? Do I look like Tanaka yet?”</p><p>Suga stifled a laugh.</p><p>“Stop, I’m going to mess up and then you really will look like Tanaka.”</p><p>“Suga, I trust you,” Daichi said smiling a little smile that twisted Suga’s stomach. See it was shit like this… “Suga, I—“ Daichi started again lips pulling in a strange look, eyes flitting Suga’s way.</p><p>“Trust me like when you left Ennoshita in charge of the team in Tokyo?” Suga fumbled to fill the gap afraid suddenly Daichi was about to say something like he would miss him or how the last three years had been good. If he said something like that Suga knew he would cry, there was no way around that.</p><p>Daichi huffed a little laugh at that, eyebrows pulling together.</p><p>“But who would you trust more to take care of a room full of kids? You or Ennoshita?”</p><p>“Me obviously. I’m good with kids. Imagine putting a screaming baby into Ennoshita’s hands. Who do you think handles that better, me or him?”</p><p>“I’m not talking babies. Like children, all running wild, who protects them from themselves and who helps them paint spots on the dog?”</p><p>“There’s a dog now? This is an elaborate hypothetical. Also what’s wrong with painting spots on the dog?”</p><p>Suga turned off the clippers, dusting the loose hair off Daichi’s neck.</p><p>“How’s it look?”</p><p>Daichi leaned off the toilet to look in the mirror running his fingers through it.</p><p>“I left the top a little longer so Sho-chan can still give you pig tails.”</p><p>“It looks different. I like it. Your turn now.”</p><p>“Oh no, I don’t think so. You’ll give me a bowl cut like one of those guys from Shiratorizawa.”</p><p>“What makes you think that?” Daichi asked giving him a look of mock innocence.</p><p>“You didn’t practice on Tanaka.”</p><p>“I can do a Tanaka haircut,” Daichi said reaching for the clippers smile a little menacing. Suga laughed at him unplugging them from the wall.</p><p>“Nope, not happening.”</p><p> </p><p> “Have you started packing yet?” Daichi’s voice was careful as they descended into the kitchen, and Suga was glad his whole face was in the cupboard looking for the strawberry jam, so that Daichi couldn’t see how he flinched.</p><p>“A little. Not really,” he answered, the lie coming as easy as it had all summer. He’d tell Daichi. He was going to. He would. In just a minute. He’d never kept as many secrets from his best friend as he was right now. Then he located the jar, his mom’s aggressive kanji on the lid. It was marked just ‘Daichi’. He stood up, Daichi was leaning on the counter, chin propped up on the palms of his hands. Suga could see the bandage on his elbow and he grimaced again.</p><p>“When are you leaving?” Daichi asked. Suga set the jar down in front of him and grabbed a handful of Daichi’s hair giving it a little tug.</p><p>“Quit trying to get rid of me, Sawamura.” Daichi gave him a smile, pushing him off.</p><p>“Do I have to take this home or can we try it now?”</p><p>“We can try it now,” Suga grinned back at him, pulling a spoon out of the drawer and watching Daichi break the seal, popping the lid off. He took a sniff.</p><p>“Quit being weird, just eat it already,” he said shaking the spoon at Daichi. Daichi took a spoonful and with a glance to Suga he stuck it into his mouth, sighing happily.</p><p>“Good?”</p><p>“Good,” Daichi agreed.</p><p> </p><p>They set up behind Suga’s house. Daichi spread out the blanket, in the space next to the garden patch. It was rapidly cooling off, but Suga’s hands were sweating. The silence pressing thin and crackly between them. He hadn’t said anything and neither had Daichi but it was suddenly strained, it’d been in Daichi’s face when they’d left the kitchen, that crinkle returning to his brows, until Suga wasn’t sure if it was really the haircut he’d been worried about before. Maybe it had something to do with Michimiya? Maybe he’d changed his mind about her? It was clear she still had feelings for him, despite whatever she might’ve said to the contrary. He’d seen her again the other day at the store, crouching beside Daichi as he was stocking shelves, the two of them whispering, heads tucked together. He had pretended not to have seen, and left without even buying something. He could imagine it now, maybe Daichi was worried Suga would think he was fickle, saying he wasn’t interested in Michimiya and now going to tell him they were actually dating, and could Suga give him some advice on how to kiss her? Suga bit his lip. <em>Get it together. </em></p><p>What if he did though? Though he was sure Daichi knew how to kiss someone and then he was thinking about the hot day with the popsicles and the look on Daichi’s face and…</p><p>“Think it’ll be dark enough?” Daichi had sat down, tilting his head back. Suga flinched back to the present. Daichi on the blanket, looking up at the sky. Suga’s neighborhood tended to be pretty dark at night, not a lot of street lamps. The stars were spread out overhead like a blanket letting in pinpricks of light, the moon hanging low in the sky for now, dimming the stars around it with its glow. It was all static though, nothing moving, no meteors arcing overhead.</p><p>“Think so,” Suga agreed. He needed to sit down. God, his hands were so sweaty. He couldn’t do this. Daichi had turned to him now.</p><p>“Just going to stand there?”</p><p>Suga didn’t answer, sitting down next to Daichi and listening to his exhale as he laid down, his own shoulders pinched. He was holding his breath, he laid down beside him, deeply conscious of how close their shoulders were. Looking up at the stars he tried to imagine for a moment that it would be safe to tell him. Asahi had been right when he’d said at least if Daichi didn’t like him like that, he’d let him down easy. That didn’t make it any easier to disrupt whatever this was between them. Suga squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>“Suga, I’ve got something to tell you,” Daichi said and Suga’s eyes snapped open. Here it was.</p><p>“Daichi, I have to tell you something too,” Suga stammered out, Daichi shifted beside him, their elbows brushing, waiting. “Can I go first?”</p><p>“Sure,” Daichi’s voice sounded strange but Suga pushed on.</p><p>“I’ve been trying to tell you all summer but every time I’m about to we get interrupted or you change the subject—“ Suga sucked in a deep breath, Daichi silent beside him. That wasn’t a good sign right? For Daichi to just be silent?</p><p>What did he say now that he had Daichi’s full attention? I’m in love with you? Want to go out on a date? Do you even like men? Am I out of my mind? Why did I think this would be simple?</p><p>“Suga? What are you overthinking?” he could hear Daichi smiling even if he couldn’t see his face. “Want me to go first?”</p><p>“No,” Suga said, “Daichi, I—When Asahi left for Tokyo he asked me to go with him. But I told him I couldn’t because there was something I had to do first.”</p><p>“Right? Replant your mom’s garden,” Daichi filled in with the excuse Suga had given him two months ago.</p><p>“No. I mean, yes? But that wasn’t really why.”</p><p>“Then why?”</p><p>“See the thing is,” Suga sat up then because he couldn’t stand not being able to see Daichi’s face, Daichi rolled over onto his side propped up on an elbow, his face was serious the glow from the moon illuminating him even as it dimmed the stars. “The thing is,” Suga started again eyes locked with Daichi. “I wanted to tell you at graduation and then Asahi was crying and it was the wrong mood and then Kiyoko’s parents were there and the team. And we walked home and I couldn’t tell you then either and I keep thinking I’ll do it tomorrow, and I’m scared as fuck right now, because you’re my best friend and I don’t want to ruin that…”</p><p>“Suga what’s going on?”</p><p>“Don’t laugh at me but I think I’m maybe a little, uh, a little in love.”</p><p>“In love?” Daichi’s eyes crinkled and he pressed his lips together determined not to laugh. Suga’s heart twisted, clenching his hands together waiting for the verdict. When he didn’t say anything else, Daichi’s eyebrows knit together his smile fading. “Wait I’m missing something. You’re a little in love? With who?”</p><p>“With you,” Suga choked out, glad at least in the dark Daichi wouldn’t be able to see just how red he was sure his face was right now.</p><p>“Wait,” Daichi sat up, eyes widening.</p><p>“Don’t hate me please,” Suga said, “I didn’t want to fuck things up between us, Daichi you’re my best friend I really mean that, and if you don’t feel the same I totally get it, I know it’s not…” Suga couldn’t stop himself. Daichi put a hand on his knee.</p><p>“Suga.”</p><p>“You don’t hate me right?”</p><p>“We’ve been stupid.”</p><p>“You mean I’ve been stupid,” Suga corrected him. Daichi was shaking his head eyes bright even in the dark a smile growing on his face.</p><p>“That’s what I wanted to tell you and you beat me to it.”</p><p>“Wait what did you want to tell me?”</p><p>“It was really awkward at graduation when Asahi started crying. I mean it was always a possibility and it’s not like the first time we’ve seen him cry but it just was the wrong mood, like you said.”</p><p>“Daichi I don’t understand.”</p><p>“I always thought you were just flirting with everyone…”</p><p>“I don’t flirt with everyone!”</p><p>“I didn’t think I had a chance in hell. Every time I’ve tried to tell you it’s like you know and panic and change the subject.”</p><p>“What do I know?” Daichi scooted a little closer their knees bumping. Suga felt like his brain was short circuiting because he was hearing what Daichi was saying and he couldn’t believe it, didn’t trust the leaps he was making, he was always great at making leaps and later wondering why the hell he didn’t stop himself before it was too late.</p><p>“That I… might be a little bit in love too,” Daichi told him in a hesitant voice.</p><p>“You’re not joking are you?” Suga asked, swallowing the bubble of hysterical laughter that was threatening to ruin his composure.</p><p>“No, why would I joke about that? Suga?” Daichi’s eyebrows knit tight. “You weren’t joking were you? God, Suga, please tell me you weren’t joking?”</p><p>“No, I was serious,” Suga said, instead of laughing, tears leaping up in his eyes, bumping his knee against Daichi’s again. Daichi leaned closer putting his hands on Suga’s knees.</p><p>“Are you crying?”</p><p>“No, I’m not crying,” Suga’s voice wobbled and then up came the bubble of laughter, wet and silly sounding. “We have been stupid though. How- how long?”</p><p>“Are you going to talk about all the time we’ve wasted?”</p><p>“God, a long time then?”</p><p>“Middle of second year at least, maybe longer.”</p><p>“Daichi!”</p><p>“It’s like you said there’s always a reason to put it off and I wasn’t ever really sure.”</p><p>“Daichi, I’m not going to Tokyo.”</p><p>“We haven’t even gone on a date.”</p><p>“I mean,” Suga bit it back down unsure why he’d felt the need to blurt it out now. “I mean, not for you reasons, for me reasons. Or uh, mostly me reasons.”</p><p>“Suga, what are you talking about?”</p><p>“I’m going to study to be a teacher instead. You saw me the other day when you skinned your knee, I’d be a terrible doctor.”</p><p>“Suga, that wasn’t anything.”</p><p>“I know, that’s why. If I can’t even patch up the scraped knee of the guy I like most how am I supposed to give shots to screaming babies or look at people’s warts or,” Suga took a deep breath Daichi was giving him a funny smile, “Stop looking at me like that.”</p><p>“You’re catastrophizing again.”</p><p>“I am not! I’m being one hundred percent totally honest with you, I’d be a better teacher. I’d help the kids paint spots on the dog, I can help people that way, I don’t need the drama of being a doctor, I can be something simpler.”</p><p>“Are you scared to go to Tokyo? Did you tell Asahi this already?”</p><p>“He agrees with me,” Suga said, “He says he always thought I’d be a good teacher. He says he can find another roommate or he’s already gotten a part time job so maybe he can just keep the apartment himself. He’s made friends already.”</p><p>“Are you sure?”</p><p>“I am. Even if you’d rejected me tonight. I probably still wouldn’t have gone to Tokyo. It just didn’t ever feel right and I’ve been so ashamed of not feeling like I was being proactive enough and then these last two months have made it clear why.”</p><p>“What about your mom?”</p><p>“I was worried she’d be pissed,” Suga said, “But I think she’d rather I be happy than miserable. Good thing you talked me into applying to that school in Sendai.”</p><p>“Always good to have a backup.”</p><p>“Why do you always have to be right?”</p><p>“That’s why I was the captain.”</p><p>“You’re so full of shit,” Suga laughed slapping Daichi’s leg. “So how does this work?”</p><p>“How does what work?”</p><p>“Do we go on a date first or do we skip right to the kissing part? I was so worried about the telling you part I didn’t even think about what came after.”</p><p>“Could I kiss you, is that a thing?”</p><p>“We could make it a thing,” Suga said chest warming, putting his knees down and crossing his legs to mirror Daichi, leaning forward just a little. Daichi met him halfway bumping noses, Suga choked on a bubble of laughter, Daichi’s hands gentle on his face, lips meeting. Suga’s hands settled around Daichi’s shoulders pulling him a little closer, fingers in the freshly trimmed hairs at the back of his head.  Daichi hummed into his mouth, leaning back pulling Suga forward on top of him. Suga yelped, Daichi laughing, pressing another kiss to Suga’s throat. Suga pushed up off of Daichi.</p><p>“What’re you…?”</p><p>“We’re missing the stars,” Daichi said, trying to nudge him off.</p><p>“Fuck the stars,” Suga growled leaning forward to kiss him again.</p><p>“Very romantic,” Daichi breathed out and Suga huffed a small laugh, kissing Daichi’s jaw and rolling off of him.</p><p>“Is this real life?” he asked nestling against Daichi, feeling the deepest comfort in knowing that it was safe now. Daichi’s hand found his, warm and dry and larger than his own. Were his own hands still sweaty? He didn’t even know anymore.</p><p>“I hope so,” Daichi told him, Suga squeezed his hand. He could see the stars falling now, and it felt like some sort of miracle. A miracle of motion and light and poetry and he felt so silly for even thinking about it in those terms at all, giddy with Daichi’s hand in his, the laughter bubbling up in hiccups.</p><p>“What’s so funny?”</p><p>“I’m so happy,” Suga wheezed. Daichi squeezed his hand back.</p><p>“Me too.”</p><p>Suga settled into the comfort of Daichi pressed against him, feeling as light as the breeze on their faces. The comforting promise that this was only beginning, that all his endings had transformed, rearranging their edges into a place to start. And overhead the stars rushed on, bright hopes racing on into an unknown future. It was okay not knowing what sort of future it might be, it was enough to trust it might be something beautiful.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>!!!<br/>it always makes me a little sad posting a last chapter, like I don't really want it to end</p><p>Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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